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Ozymandias
Leader of the Senate
Joined: 26 Apr 2003
Posts: 319
Location: Otherland |
This is not my list! I just thought it was funny enough to share with you. Enjoy!
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence..
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
_________________
"There is no way around it. Correct is correct. I am correct, therefore I win."
Roqua
Disclaimer: I can not be held responsible for anything whatsoever as a result of you reading this post. |
Mon Aug 23, 2004 5:08 pm |
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Mercenary
Helpful Friend
Joined: 25 Nov 2002
Posts: 2874
Location: Chromanin |
quote:
Originally posted by Ozymandias
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
 Sure. Sounds fun 
Anyway nice list Ozymandias 
_________________
-=Captain of Militia of RPGDot Shadows=-
-=Leader of Mercenaries of Gothic Rogues=-
-=Proud member of NFG=-
-=Forever one soul of Seekers of Chromanin=-
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 5:29 pm |
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Neo_Genesis
The Assassin
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 3050
Location: The Netherlands |
very funny, very funny indeed. I laughed for 10 minutes at number 7 
_________________
Always wondering how it would be... |
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 8:54 pm |
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Patriot
Small Tiger
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 1421
Location: Athens,Greece |
I'll explain you what spam's.It's not very funny but...
Spam is:
Pork with Ham
Salt
Water
Sugar
Sodium Nitrite
And that's it! It seems almost innocent. But I wonder what "Pork with Ham" means?!
A 2oz. serving of SPAM luncheon meat contains 170 calories, (140 of which are fat calories!) 16 grams of fat, 40mg of cholesterol, 750mg of sodium, and 7g of protien. It has no carbohydrates, fiber, Vitamin A or Vitamin C, and no calcium.
A little SPAM luncheon meat recipe:
Slice SPAM Luncheon Meat into 4-6 square slices. Broil or heat in skillet. Scramble 4-6 eggs. Layer eggs, meat, and one slice American cheese between toasted English Muffin halves. Heat 10 seconds in microwave. Makes 4-6 SPAMBLED Egg muffins.
Mmmm-mmm good.
You can order SPAM luncheon meat "merchandise and apparel" if you call 1-800-686-SPAM. And really, how can you resist any of this?!
and can also be:
Spam is one of the greatest annoyances on the Internet today. Also known as UCE, bulk e-mail, e-mail marketing, and a host of other less favorable names, spam is a byproduct of the commercialization of the World Wide Web. The word 'spam' has more or less entered the general lexicon as meaning 'that e-mail I don't want'
ISPs contend that spam ties up disk space, wastes bandwidth, and annoys customers. ISPs argue that they must waste time and money implementing filters; and even those aren't very effective. Spammers, for their part, maintain that they are providing the user with opportunities. Outlawing spam, they argue, is de facto censorship. Advertising is everywhere, and there's no reason why e-mail marketing shouldn't exist. In the United States, several states have passed anti-spam laws.
If e-mail marketing is legitimate, by comparison the methods most spammers use are shady. Spammers almost always forge headers to avoid ISP scrutiny and the inevitable surge of complaints after a batch of UCE is sent out. They also utilize open relays, which are mail servers configured to send mail from any source. Most often, these open relays are in foreign countries; for this reason communicating with the mail server's admin is often difficult.
Most spam is fraudulent. The most notorious sales pitches include penis enlargement devices, herbal Viagra, the infamous Nigerian mail scam, "Work at Home", methods to get a college degree Quick and Easy, porn, MAKE MONEY FAST, Ponzi schemes, and weight loss pills. The Federal Trade Commission has set up an e-mail address for you to forward spam that you believe is fraudulent; the address is uce@ftc.gov.
The fuel of a spamming operation is e-mail addresses. Spammers utilize a variety of methods to get e-mail addresses, some of the most common being:
WWW spiders. These spiders are configured to pick out e-mail addresses from WWW pages, whether it be mailto: links or plaintext addresses like uce@ftc.gov. Some also correct address munging: for example, uceNOSPAM@ftc.gov will be corrected to uce@ftc.gov.
Usenet spiders - By and far the quickest way to recieve spam is to post to Usenet without munging your e-mail address, especially in an active newsgroup. Many harvesters scan newsgroups, looking for e-mail addresses.
Dictionary attacks. In this sort of attack, spammers play a guessing game. Common words from the dictionary are used in an attack on a specific high-traffic site; if the mail server replies with an invalid address, the address is no good. If the mail server DOESN'T reply, the e-mail address is good. Sites with short domain names are frequently the victims of these sort of attacks - somehow, www.WeightWatchersofSaltLakeCityInc.com is just too long.
CD-ROMs Spammers will burn CD-ROMs full of these addresses and sell them to one another, ensuring that your daily deluge of spam is kept up.
A spammer obviously needs Internet connectivity to spam. Most ISPs prohibit spamming of any sort, and will usually clamp down on a spammer the second he starts to spam. The ISPs that tolerate spamming are called spamhausen; as word spreads that the ISP tolerates spam, more spammers use it. Spamhausen are usually blocked at the router level by organizations like MAPS and ORBS; however, this has the side effect of blocking legitimate sites as well, with Peacefire being a notorious example.
Of course, a 'live' e-mail address is worth far more than a dead e-mail address which the owner rarely checks. To verify that you are actually opening your spam, a number of tricks are used:
The classic 'REMOVE ME' scam. This is one of the oldest tricks spammers use to verify e-mail address; it consists of a small note at the bottom of the e-mail saying, "If you do not wish to recieve further mail from us please reply to this e-mail with the subject line 'REMOVE'" The assumption behind this is that the reciever will be so fed up with spam that he will actually reply to the message.
The 1x1 GIF With the onset of HTML e-mail comes HTML spam. HTML spam will often contain a 1x1 transparent GIF. When you open an e-mail with this GIF, a request is sent by the e-mail client to download the GIF, thus telling the spammer that you have been reading spam
False subject lines are often used with the method described above. These can be disguised as a 'failed message' notice from Postmaster, your friend telling you to check this out, blank subject lines, and a lot more
Lawsuits have been filed against spammers, with the most famous being Cyber Promotions vs. AOL. Cyber Promotions was run by a man named Sanford ("Spamford") Wallace, who sent out a staggering amount of spam. AOL, of course, blocked his domain name, but Wallace constantly circumvented AOL's blocking system by registering different domains (cyberpr0m0.com, cybrpromotions.com). Eventually, AOL sued and won in court. However, lawsuits are a time-consuming and costly option. In some cases, the spammer actually sues the ISP, claiming censorship
_________________
(Firefox_Mythos)(Παντος)Reaperfox(Ρουβαλης)Tezafox Katsaridoktono(Ντουσικος)Che(Ταγαρης)Crusader(nokos)shadowfox(Μηχελης)aquafox(Στελιος)thunderfox_gomos(Γιωργος) |
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:15 pm |
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Neo_Genesis
The Assassin
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 3050
Location: The Netherlands |
and... what has that to do with this topic?
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Always wondering how it would be... |
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:19 pm |
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Chekote
Where’s my Banana?!?!
Joined: 08 Mar 2002
Posts: 1540
Location: Dont know, looks kind of green |
I cried laughing when I read #25, cuz it did pop into my head to try that =0)
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IMHO my opinion is humble |
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:49 pm |
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Patriot
Small Tiger
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 1421
Location: Athens,Greece |
quote:
Originally posted by Neo_Genesis
and... what has that to do with this topic?
Nothing .I just want to see your reactions.
Also the story with the 3 pigs was nice .
And when I read for the microwave.I rembered what happened 2 years ago(honest  ).I was at my room studing for the exams(early summer).When I heared a BOOM.The results...chinise(we eat this kind of food rarely) food everywhere in the kitchen.My poor mother.She had to clean it.And our kithen is quite big(like the rest of the house).I still haven't understand what caused this thing  .
_________________
(Firefox_Mythos)(Παντος)Reaperfox(Ρουβαλης)Tezafox Katsaridoktono(Ντουσικος)Che(Ταγαρης)Crusader(nokos)shadowfox(Μηχελης)aquafox(Στελιος)thunderfox_gomos(Γιωργος) |
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Mon Aug 23, 2004 10:33 pm |
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Korplem
Swashbuckler
Joined: 23 Dec 2002
Posts: 853
Location: Pearl Harbor, HI |
quote:
Originally posted by Chekote
I cried laughing when I read #25, cuz it did pop into my head to try that =0)
The thought had crossed my mind as well...
_________________
If soot stains your tunic, dye it black. This is vengeance.
-The Prince of Nothing |
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Tue Aug 24, 2004 2:12 am |
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Ozymandias
Leader of the Senate
Joined: 26 Apr 2003
Posts: 319
Location: Otherland |
Glad you liked it. If you do try to mix brake fluid and Clorox hopefully this won't happen: http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=bottlebomb.wmv
_________________
"There is no way around it. Correct is correct. I am correct, therefore I win."
Roqua
Disclaimer: I can not be held responsible for anything whatsoever as a result of you reading this post. |
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Wed Aug 25, 2004 5:29 pm |
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Neo_Genesis
The Assassin
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 3050
Location: The Netherlands |
that i not funny, it's horrible. but the guy is plain stupid. very stupid. 
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Always wondering how it would be... |
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Wed Aug 25, 2004 9:31 pm |
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Patriot
Small Tiger
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 1421
Location: Athens,Greece |
Yes I agree with you.I'm stupit that's why I'm a student of the ntua(the best university in Greece).You are correct  .
I didn't say that the microwave explode.It's door was open and there was some food on the floor.That's not horrible.You would have died laughing if you have seen that.
_________________
(Firefox_Mythos)(Παντος)Reaperfox(Ρουβαλης)Tezafox Katsaridoktono(Ντουσικος)Che(Ταγαρης)Crusader(nokos)shadowfox(Μηχελης)aquafox(Στελιος)thunderfox_gomos(Γιωργος) |
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Wed Aug 25, 2004 11:05 pm |
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Bartacus
Il Buono
Joined: 24 May 2003
Posts: 4706
Location: Belgium Flemmish part |
Patriot, Neo was talking about the movie link Ozymandias posted.
Anyway, do you also the origin of the word Spam? There are many others who can answer that one. Do the initials M.P. (no, not military police) tell you anything?
_________________
Moderator and Council Magician of the RPGDot Shadows
member of the Sports Fans Forum
Leader's Right Hand at the Gothic Rogues
NFG member |
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Thu Aug 26, 2004 12:00 am |
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kriksa
Baron of the Court
Joined: 01 Apr 2004
Posts: 328
Location: Estonia |
1] music player??
2] machine pistol??
3] mostly pointless??
5] my pan??
6] meat please??
7] mighty pig!!??
8] moose power!!??
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Thu Aug 26, 2004 12:29 am |
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Patriot
Small Tiger
Joined: 31 May 2004
Posts: 1421
Location: Athens,Greece |
Mostly pointless.Ha I remembered Gorath.From now on we'll call him mostly pointless(kidding ofcourse)
_________________
(Firefox_Mythos)(Παντος)Reaperfox(Ρουβαλης)Tezafox Katsaridoktono(Ντουσικος)Che(Ταγαρης)Crusader(nokos)shadowfox(Μηχελης)aquafox(Στελιος)thunderfox_gomos(Γιωργος) |
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Thu Aug 26, 2004 12:24 pm |
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Neo_Genesis
The Assassin
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Posts: 3050
Location: The Netherlands |
Short
Pointless
Annoying
Messages.
that is the real meaning of spam
_________________
Always wondering how it would be... |
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Thu Aug 26, 2004 4:28 pm |
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