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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
The Return of the King
Some choice lines:
FRODO awakens and looks around.
FRODO: Where am I? A candle store?
GANDALF: Rivendell. Close enough. Sorry I'm late, my boy. I got detained and had to catch a red-eye on Deus Ex Hawkina.
FRODO: (rescuing him) What are you, one of my fangirls?
SAM: I am, sir. Your very biggest fan.
ARAGORN falls off cliff.
LEGOLAS: No! This is unbearable! I almost had ANOTHER facial expression!
FRODO: Hey, you guys, look! It's Martha Stewart!
GOLLUM: Where?
SAM: Where?
EOWYN: I love you.
ARAGORN: Me? What? Oh. Um...listen, Ellen...
EOWYN: Eowyn.
ARAGORN: Right, Eowyn. You're a fine-looking woman, and I'm sure somebody will say to you someday, "Erin -"
EOWYN: *Eowyn*.
ARAGORN: "Eowyn...you're the only woman for me. Be my wife."
EOWYN: But it won't be you.
ARAGORN: Exactly! It won't be me. I'm glad we understand each other. Well kiddo, I've got to go. The Paths of the Dead beckon.
EOWYN: Don't do it! You'll never survive!
ARAGORN: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
FRODO: No, I have a new idea: I'm going to take over the world. All shall love me and despair.
SAM: But I already love you and despair.
These had me rolling! 
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Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
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Fri Apr 01, 2005 10:13 pm |
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Krzychu
Hidden Character
Joined: 25 May 2002
Posts: 1738
Location: It is my little secret. |
Yeah, it gave me a good laugh too, although I don't seem to get some of them.  Thanks for sharing, Val.
The Eowyn&Aragorn one you posted is great, I also very liked these:
LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
ARAGORN: What the hell is that? Poetry? I pay you to do two things: shoot stuff, and look pretty. If you have something to tell me, tell me in normal words.
LEGOLAS: Fine. S-A-U-R-O-N is H-E-R-E. Simple enough for you, numbskull?
GANDALF: Don't say anything, Pippin. Hi, Denethor!
DENETHOR: Hi. My favorite son is dead and my life sucks.
PIPPIN: That's all my fault! I'll fight for you!
GANDALF: Agh. WHAT did I say, Pippin? What did I say?
BILBO gets up for a speech.
BILBO: I'm smarter than the lot of you! But I'll miss you anyway. Well, one-tenth of the one-half of you who I spent twice as much time with as I ever wanted to, for one-fifteenth of my life, anyway. So. Goodbye.
GANDALF: Bilbo. Put your hands where I can see them, and step away from the Ring.
BILBO: Fine. No, I don't want to! Oh, all right, I will. No, I won't! Seriously, though, I will. Except I won't!
GANDALF: Don't make me get ten feet tall.
BILBO: Eek! Okay, I give.
GANDALF: Listen, lads: things are now getting so dangerous that I'm going to totally abandon you. Sound good?
FRODO: Um...
GANDALF: Right. Bye, then.
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Sat Apr 02, 2005 1:07 pm |
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Mercenary
Helpful Friend
Joined: 25 Nov 2002
Posts: 2874
Location: Chromanin |
Brilliant. Thanks Val 
Another funny one :
GHOST: Hello! Welcome to the Paths of the Dead. We ask that you keep your hands and arms to yourselves at all times, as the ceiling is low in places, and fighting back will only prolong your ghastly death. Unless of course you are the heir of Isildur, in which case you and your party get a free pass.
ARAGORN: Hey, that's convenient. I AM the heir of Isildur!
GHOST: Got any ID?
ARAGORN: Sure, hang on a sec.
ARAGORN starts digging through his knapsack for his Ranger license.
AUDIENCE: I'm just not the least bit worried for them.
GHOST: (examines license) Okay, you're legit. Ooh, hang on: I'm sorry, but you must be at least as tall as this sign to enter. This kid with the beard can't come.
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Sat Apr 02, 2005 4:29 pm |
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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
Hehe, try the Silmarillion.
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well, crap.
_________________
Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
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Sat Apr 02, 2005 10:58 pm |
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Sem
Solid as a Rock
Joined: 01 Mar 2004
Posts: 3386
Location: at the Dot |
SAM: (sob)
PIPPIN: (sob)
MERRY: (sob)
GIMLI: Arr!
BOROMIR: Yes. Yes, this sucks.
Also very good.
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Tue Apr 05, 2005 2:14 pm |
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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
Bears that shoot lazer beams out of their eyes!
_________________
Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
=Guardian, Moderator, UltimaDot Newshound= |
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Sun Apr 17, 2005 4:21 am |
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Toaster
Bread Alert
Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Posts: 5475
Location: Sweden |
That one is great, Val.
Here's another one:
(LotR: The Really Really short version)
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Tabbrowser Extensions
DictionarySearch |
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Sun Apr 17, 2005 9:37 am |
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tolgerias
High Emperor
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 770
Location: The Netherlands |
 This rocks!! thanks val
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If you can't debate without namecalling then don't bother visiting us. -Myrthos |
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Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:21 am |
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Krzychu
Hidden Character
Joined: 25 May 2002
Posts: 1738
Location: It is my little secret. |
Good Lord! Where did you get this? Both fantastic!
Also: Didn't think that the Silmarillion could be so... simplified.
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.
SAURON: Make me.
ISILDUR: Whack.
SAURON: Ow.
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.
ISILDUR: No.
ELROND: This sucks.
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*
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Sun Apr 17, 2005 6:51 pm |
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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
Where do I get this stuff? From a wonderful place called the Internet.
Why not hurl the ring into Mordor?
_________________
Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
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Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:11 pm |
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Krzychu
Hidden Character
Joined: 25 May 2002
Posts: 1738
Location: It is my little secret. |
Ah, but I often find the Internet a place too big to find what I'm looking for - or anything that I like.
They all made me laugh and I needed this now more than ever (Reason: two days ago I had an exam where I was talking about the LotR book for 20 minutes) so thanks!
The authors of these did a great job - the caught expressions are perfect!
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Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:38 pm |
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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
Hehe, if you think these are good, try Lord of the Peeps.
And you thought marshmellow peeps were useless. Ha!
_________________
Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
=Guardian, Moderator, UltimaDot Newshound= |
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Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:24 pm |
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Val
Risen From Ashes
Joined: 18 Feb 2002
Posts: 14724
Location: Utah, USA |
*gasp* What is that horrible smell?!
No, it can't be!!!!
They are throwing soap at us!! Run away!!! Run away!!!
This one's for Lady Armageddona.
I wonder if Legolas is a natural blonde...
Is this the pointy end?
... He's blonde...
_________________
Freeeeeeedom! Thank heavens it's summer!
What do I have to show for my hard work? A piece of paper! Wee!
=Guardian, Moderator, UltimaDot Newshound= |
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Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:11 pm |
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CassRo
Seer of Delphi
Joined: 11 Feb 2005
Posts: 425
Location: look behind you ... |
 This topic rulz, Val!
Here are my favourites from ROTK:
DENETHOR: Sing me a song, short man.
PIPPIN: I really don't feel like it.
DENETHOR: Aw, come on! Sing! Here's the karaoke song book - pick something.
PIPPIN: Well, if you insist... (clears throat) "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips...and there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips..."
.............
PIPPIN (V.O.): "You're trying hard not to show it..."
GANDALF and DENETHOR (V.O.): "Bay-beh..."
PIPPIN (V.O.): "But bay-beh, baby I know it!..."
SAM: Uh-oh; Orcs. Got to cut this short. So long, sir. (skitters and hides)
ORCS start prodding FRODO.
ORC #73: How long has he been dead?
ORC #89: Dead? Any COMPLETE IDIOT could tell he's not dead!
SAM: What??
ORC #42: Then let's take him upstairs and strip him. We should at least get to keep the change in his pockets.
SAM: Are you telling me...I had a chance...to give Mr. Frodo mouth-to-mouth...and I DIDN'T TAKE IT??
SAM flies into a murderous rage, killing about eighty Orcs in the space of half a minute.
FRODO swoons, draping himself over a boulder.
FRODO: Let me die. I cannot go on.
SAM: Sure you can. Think of the Shire.
FRODO: It never existed. You're lying.
SAM: Now, what were the rules we set?
FRODO: (humble) No more calling you a liar?
SAM: That's right. Now let's get you up.
(Five minutes later)
FRODO stumbles to his knees and starts beating his head against a rock.
FRODO: This is hopeless! We're doomed. We should have given the bloody thing to the Gondor brothers.
SAM inserts himself between FRODO and rock.
SAM: Sir. Remember our agreement.
FRODO: (humble) No wigging out?
SAM: That's right. Now will you stop wigging out if I move away from the rock?
FRODO: Yes.
(Five minutes later)
FRODO flings himself onto the ground and writhes in agony.
FRODO: I can't bear it. Life is horrid. My heart is shriveled and my soul is dead. The blackness of despair shrouds my eyes. I choke on pain and anguish.
SAM: That's it - no more listening to The Cure for you.
SAM picks FRODO up, slings him over his shoulder, and carries him up the mountain.
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I choose NOT to have a sig!
You read this text AGAIN?! ARGHH! Stop reading! Now! You're still reading this, aren't you. *sigh* Sure, read, I doesn't bother me. Really! Read on, dude. Cool. READ. Ok, enough! Stop! ... I hate you ... If you don't stop I'll replay Manhunt and I'll show you what I can do with a toothpick!!!11 Save the Whales!!!!!!111oneoneone |
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Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:48 pm |
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