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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
labelled pathetic. wow! a new label. am i surprised? no.
Last edited by Ammon777 on Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:32 pm; edited 1 time in total |
Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:45 am |
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Danicek
The Old One
Joined: 15 Dec 2001
Posts: 5922
Location: Czech Republic |
genius :-]
really nice to be able to say such thing about yourself. Ammon, Ammon, your words sound pathetic, not ours. |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 11:59 am |
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piln
High Emperor
Joined: 22 May 2003
Posts: 906
Location: Leeds, UK |
What brought that on, Ammon? Somebody rubbed you up the wrong way?
I know lots of people have some funny ideas about mental illness, generally through a lack of understanding, but that's really their problem - try not to let it get to you (easier said than done, I know). Anyway, I hope you haven't gone. Post a reply if you're still around. |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 1:32 pm |
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EverythingXen
Arch-villain
Joined: 01 Feb 2002
Posts: 4342
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Ammon, you say that like isolation will make the problem go away. It won't... in fact it will probably make the problem worse. Perhaps enough to make you kill yourself and none of us will ever know.
Smelling bad can be overcome or masked pretty well. Can schitzophrenia be masked or overcome? Wouldn't begin to have a clue. You seem to do well enough online.
Declaring society weak and full of fools and retreating will accomplish nothing. You think society at large will notice... or care? Society won't. All you'll be hurting is people who are your friends and family. The people you're stabbing out at won't even notice... and so you end up miserable and they continue on as if nothing happened.
By all measurable standards I am a genius. So is my father. So was my grandfather. So are most of my uncles. And my brother outstrips us all intellectually, falling into the 99th percentile of registered human intellect where most of us are 98th and I'm the stupid one at high end 97th. You know what? It's all meaningless. Genius is what you do -- not what you are.
And looking down your nose at a society that doesn't get you and withdrawing from one of the only places, apparantly, where people like you doesn't strike me as an act of sheer brilliance. Your choice to make but you are not the one who will profit from this.
_________________
Estuans interius, Ira vehementi
"The old world dies and with it the old ways. We will rebuild it as it should be, MUST be... Immortal!"
=Member of the Nonflamers Guild=
=Worshipper of the Written Word= |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 1:41 pm |
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Conan The Librarian
City Guard
Joined: 27 May 2004
Posts: 144
Location: Merry Olde England |
I've been there Ammon 777 but you cannot blame everyone. You must except society for what it is and you must learn to like yourself for who you are. 
_________________
The optimist sees the doughnut.
But the pessimist sees the hole. |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 1:44 pm |
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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
the only reason i called myself a "genius" is because that is what they told me: my psychiatrist called me that, my father called me that, and my social worker called me that. i dont care anymore though, it doesnt matter.
yeah it probably is pathetic eh danitek. 
EDIT -- but youre right, im probably not a genius... im too childish
Last edited by Ammon777 on Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:03 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:29 pm |
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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
well thanks to some of you for the kind words. and the wise words from Xen. the rest of you can go to hell. im not going to obey your social conventions. i will tell you what i think based on your response.
Xen, you convinced me not to do this. thank you. it does seem my only friends are online, thats fine. but i should not hurt my family. and i shouldnt hurt myself anymore than i have already been hurt. you cannot imagine the pain that a schizoaffective feels every day. pain coming from no cause except for the illness.
let me explain. i went and got drunk for a few nights in the bars in town. a little town. now everyone is calling me a freak. people are scared of me. and i tried my hardest, my damnedest, to be civil and kind and generous. but to no avail. i wanted to be a normal person. but it didnt work. people all would either make fun of me or ignore me. it hurts sometimes. there is no acceptance in this society for schizophrenics, i tell you that from experience. you wouldnt understand, you have no clue. but Xen is wise enough to try to comprehend. thank you for that.
so i wont leave. i am going to try to recover. otherwise, if i had gone through with it, suicide would have been at the very end, and i dont want to do that to my family.
but as for religion. they are hypocrites. i want nothing to do with God now. God hasnt helped me worth a damn. He cursed me from birth and expects me to love him for it. i dont think so. my love for him is withdrawn for now. unless i get a sign from heaven, im no longer a warrior for heaven now. |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:45 pm |
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xSamhainx
Paws of Doom
Joined: 11 Sep 2002
Posts: 2192
Location: San Diego |
Look Ammon, most people here I would wager "freak people out" regularly. I just recently shaved my head with a razor, now that freaks people out. I freak people out quite a bit all the time, actually. But you know what? That's their problem if they cant accept what I look like, do, or say, not mine. Im not going to change who I am, because someone doesnt accept me. It's their problem, and they have to deal with it, not me. But then you say "but Im the one sitting here alone.." So be it then, better to be alone than with some worthless troglodytes whom you otherwise would not like or trust.
As far as bars go my friend, if youre looking to feel and act normal, I can tell you from experience, bars are not the ideal place to go. The most screwed up, drunken, and exploitative miscreants hang out in bars. In fact, they are one of the last places to go if you are looking for acceptance, dont set your social barometer by any means off "bar culture", because it's the lowest rung on the social food chain IMHO. You need to take night courses on something that interests you, or join some type of activity with like-minded people. Every time I head back to school, I get a new gf. Every time. Trust me, night courses dude...
As far as dissing the Lord goes, you might want to watch your tounge. If there is one entity you do not want to piss off...
_________________
“Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that's on its mind and can't make itself understood, and so can't rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving.”-Mark Twain
Last edited by xSamhainx on Sat Jun 19, 2004 2:41 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:17 pm |
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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
I wasnt saying any blasphemy, i was just saying that right now im not very fond of God for giving me this illness. Not like a *hate* him or anything. He just makes me mad sometimes. And i said "for now" because every time i get mad at God, eventually i go back to Him and ask for forgiveness. Just the way i am. But yeah, i better be more careful... But i still think He is the ONLY thing that understands me, so He gives me a LOT of slack, dude.
Well as for girlfriends, i dont have much luck in that regard because girls think im a freak. Seriously. If i had a car i would try night school, but the doctor (grrrr) took away my drivers lisence and i cant afford insurance anyway. Not like im going to walk 35 miles to the city for a class, lol. And another thing, girls like guys that have jobs and money. I dont have a job but i get money from the govt, but still, i dont have much money. So im kinda out of luck. The girl i hit on last night wasnt all that great looking and even she doesnt want anything to do with me. But im not giving up, im just kinda in the dumps right now. My friend Brian says we need to find me a girlfriend though, so there is still a little hope. |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:53 pm |
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xSamhainx
Paws of Doom
Joined: 11 Sep 2002
Posts: 2192
Location: San Diego |
you reminded me of a friend of mine, Greta, who was a devout Christian. But for some reason, I would always hear her yell out "JeeezuS CHRIST!!" every time she got ticked off about something. On the other hand she would always say "Jesus is my best friend".
So one day after a particularly loud bit of taking Jesus's name in vain, I finally said to her "Greta, if Jesus is your best friend, then how can you take his name in vain so much?"
Without missing a beat, she said "He is my best friend, that's why he understands when I get PISSED OFF" 
One more thing, dont you have any family that would purrhaps drive you once or twice a week to something that would make you happy? I pick up lil Sis Sam and take her basketball once a week because her mother cant. Maybe your mom or something would take you to classes once a week or something, if she thought you were sincerely interested.
_________________
“Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that's on its mind and can't make itself understood, and so can't rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving.”-Mark Twain |
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Fri Jun 18, 2004 11:24 pm |
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corwin
On the Razorblade of Life
Joined: 10 Jun 2002
Posts: 8376
Location: Australia |
I'm coming in on the tail end of this, but I have read a LOT about this problem, and there have been some terrific advances with meds recently that apparently can be sufficient to allow people to live normal, productive lives. What is the situation regarding that for you Ammon? Oh, one small point, God didn't give you your disease, He doesn't do that. He may have allowed it, but many things happen naturally, or through genetics. I've had a bad cold for 2 weeks, but he didn't give it to me, a virus did!! Hope you have a much better week ahead. You do have people here who like you, for who you are, so we won't let you P*** us off either!!
_________________
If God said it, then that settles it!
I don't use Smileys, I use Emoticons!!
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Sat Jun 19, 2004 12:26 am |
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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
Im on good medications, but as you know, some schizophrenics dont respond well to medication. Im on three anti-depressants (maxed doses) and one anti-psychotic (max dose). I respond to the extent that the auditory hallucinations are gone (mostly); however, you might have heard of schizoaffective disorder, thats what i have, like about 1 out of a thousand other schizos are schizoaffective. Thats where you have lifelong schizophrenia with all the schizotypal personality traits, along with lifelong major depression and a major mood disorder, that bring along such mood swings like what i experience once an hour (approx). The mood swings are not fun for neither me or my family (and other associates), and i am always at one extreme of the spectrum: either sad, happy, depressed, aloof, ect. Thats why i sometimes can say genius because at those times i am manic. Other times, like early last morning (3:00am?), i am in a bad state, irrational and really down. I get extremely irrational at times, and whats is strange is that my internal brain workings actually changes from day to day, so that what i think and feel one day is based on a whole different substate the next day. Therefore one day i would feel like i am one with God, the next day i am at one with the devil. Its a thing that puzzles my shrinks, so she calls me a genius because of it. So its not like im a real genius, its just that they dont know what else to call me. The medication helps, but it doesnt cure the cause, which cause is unknown. And my prognosis is good, but the symptoms will always persist. |
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Sat Jun 19, 2004 2:10 am |
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Amelia
City Guard
Joined: 18 Jun 2004
Posts: 141
Location: Ong's Hat, New Jersey |
You should look into Eastern healing practices if you haven't already. For thousands of years, the East's practice of herbal supplementing, physiological manipulation, and mystical considerations have almost always seeked to treat the cause thus the effect as well. I suppose it's a difference of philosophies as Western medicine is usually concerned with treating symptons. It would be good to do research into the practice and the person practicing beforehand. I doubt the side effects of practicing Eastern medicine would ever be 'worse' than that of Western medicinal practices. It's an alternative to consider if you're pushing Western medicine to it's limits. As always though, consult with your doctor(s) before practice. Western medicine is valuable and I see it as used in conjunction with Eastern practices, both complimenting each other.
Edit: Semantics and spelling error.
_________________
The real secret of magick is that the world is made of words. And that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish. -Terence Mckenna |
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Sat Jun 19, 2004 3:05 am |
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Ammon777
Warrior for Heaven
Joined: 20 Apr 2002
Posts: 2011
Location: United States |
uh, ill look into it. although i probably couldnt afford to pay for it. |
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Sat Jun 19, 2004 3:53 am |
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Amelia
City Guard
Joined: 18 Jun 2004
Posts: 141
Location: Ong's Hat, New Jersey |
It's not all expensive procedures. Practices such as acupuncture, yes, will probably be more expensive depending on how much of your body is treated, but it's good to know that you're getting a competent acupuncturist as needles placed in the wrong spots can have severe consequences. But practices such as assorted martial arts, yogas, and meditations are not usually expensive. If your going to enroll in a martial arts school I would expect to compensate appropriately and enrollment isn't the cheapest thing. The important prospect about these is they can be practiced anytime. Once you understand the philosophy and motions behind it you aren't as bound to continually pay for classes - unless you seek total mastery. Some would say what's the reason behind practicing if you aren't seeking total mastery, which in my opinion, is besides the point being that results from practicing aren't tied to monetary compensation for training. Do what you think is best.
_________________
The real secret of magick is that the world is made of words. And that if you know the words that the world is made of, you can make of it whatever you wish. -Terence Mckenna |
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Sat Jun 19, 2004 4:26 am |
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