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Xerxes712
High Emperor
Joined: 01 Nov 2002
Posts: 605
Location: Uber die Welt |
Just two quick things.
DECLINE: To do this, they regularly held rituals to conjure their ancestors, and recieve advice. [No idea what "lambencies" means. "Lambency" means luminous.]
Lambency here is being used as 'enlightenment ' as in a religious sense. Literaly 'ghostly (prophetic) visions or images' as in a seance.
#To do this, they regularly held rituals to conjure up their ancestors, in order to receive advice and visions.
or,
#To do this, they regularly held rituals to conjure up their ancestors, in order to receive enlightened advice.
DIA_Addon_Lares_ArrivedPortalInter2_09_01
It all began ground was trembling like it did way back when the barrier was still up.
It all began ground => ???
DECLINE: It began when the ground began to tremble, like it did sometimes when the barrier was still up.
Instead of using the word 'began' twice, use the word 'start' for style, and the fact the German says 'back then in time' instead of 'sometimes'. But who knows...its all the same really.
#It all started when the ground began trembling, like it did back when the barrier was still up.
Between all this, I am sure a consensus can be reached. Thanks for the help. _________________ Wo ist mein Sumpfkraut? |
Sat Aug 14, 2004 12:43 pm |
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cothyso
Keeper of the Gates
Joined: 25 Apr 2004
Posts: 100
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hello guys!
I'm back from my holiday, and I saw you did a lot of work in here. so, need any help for now? |
Sat Aug 14, 2004 10:15 pm |
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Decline
Village Dweller
Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 12
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quote: Originally posted by Xerxes712
Just two quick things.
(Two quick things)
Between all this, I am sure a consensus can be reached. Thanks for the help.
You're absolutely correct on both accounts. I've edited my posts, and credited you with the changes. If you notice anything else, let us know.
-----
Here are some further corrections, picking up right where I left off. It follows the same format as my earlier entries.
-----
Miscellaneous typos
LOG_Constants_Yoly.d
const string LogText_Addon_RavensGoldmine
Raven has a mine and lets slaves dig for gold there.
DECLINE: Raven has a goldmine where he forces his slaves to work. [Because you don't casually let a slave do his job - you *make* him do it...]
const string LogText_Addon_VatrasTrade
Vatras will take from me the strange stone tablets that can be found in this place. He promised to remunerate me adequately.
DECLINE: Vatras will take any of the strange stone tablets I find. He promised to reward me for every tablet I bring him.
IT_Addon_Written.d
func void Use_Hinweis_02 ()
Doc_PrintLines ( nDocID, 0, "Lou disappeared in the swamp, most probable he was eaten by the sharks.");
Doc_PrintLines ( nDocID, 0, "Is even worse - the door key also disappeared with him.");
Doc_PrintLines ( nDocID, 0, "" );
Doc_PrintLines ( nDocID, 0, "Thus who finds it, can keep Lou's stuff.");
DECLINE: probable he was => likely ; Is even worse => What's worse ; Thus who finds it => So, whoever finds the key
func void Use_MartinMilizEmpfehlung_Addon ()
Doc_PrintLines (nDocID, 0, "He has proofed himself useful by carrying out difficult and appropriate duties.");
Doc_PrintLines (nDocID, 0, "I am sure that he is suitable to protect the king and and the welfare of the people of this twon.");
Doc_PrintLine (nDocID, 0, "Innos save the king");
DECLINE: proofed => proven ; suitable to protect the king => capable of serving the King ; twon => town ; king => King
func void Use_RavensKidnapperMission_Addon ()
Doc_PrintLines (nDocID, 0, "When I was still an ore baron, you weren't so unrealiable.");
Doc_PrintLines (nDocID, 0, "If you don't manage to kidnap more people from the city and send them to me, then we'll have a right problem with the boys in our hide-out.");
Doc_PrintLines (nDocID, 0, "Sooner or later we will have to find a way over the high mountains in the northeast of Khorinis. The Pirates won't continue the crossings for long, once we stop paying them.");
unrealiable => unreliable; right problem => huge problem; Pirates => pirates
DECLINE: "You weren't nearly so incompetent back when I was still an ore baron." "If you aren't able to kidnap anymore people from the city, then we'll have a big problem on our hands with the boys at the hideout." "Sooner or later, we'll need to find a way over the mountains in northeastern Khorinis. The pirates won't continue the crossings after we stop paying them."
FUNC VOID UseGregsLogbuch()
//1.Seite
... The time has come for Raven to caugh up the gold for the prisoners and us to finally set sail again. ...
... His bootlicking mate Bloodyn will be chopped up first thing by me. ...
... I'll have to become really unplesant. ...
DECLINE: ... The time has come for Raven to cough up the gold for the prisoners, so we'll finally be able to set sail again. If he tells me that he doesn't have the gold again - well, I'll have to become rather unpleasant. I think his boot-licking mate Bloodwyn will be the first to taste my steel ...
//2.Seite
... I must find out what Raven ishere for.
DECLINE: ... It is crucial that we find out why Raven and his men are here.
Story\Dialog_Mobsis\Bookstand_Addon.d
func void Use_BookstandMaya () {
//if (BookstandMayaArt == 1) {
... They absence hearts deeply. ...
... JHARKENDAR has fallen und will swept under in the river of time. ...
DECLINE:
... JHARKENDAR has fallen; its achievements drowned in the river of time. ...
... It's absence is felt deeply in the hearts of its citizens.
//else if (BookstandMayaArt == 2) {
... It was ADANOS' wrath that endet it all.
... The few that survived the catasrophe no longer possessed the strength needed to rebuild the city.
DECLINE:
... The people incurred the wrath of ADANOS, who struck the city with irremediable calamity.
... Those few who survived were without the strength needed to rebuild.
//else if (BookstandMayaArt == 3) {
... Thus the priests insisted on their right of authpority over him.
The warriors no longer wanted comply with the Council of Five and elected his son RHADEMES as their leader.
DECLINE:
... The warrior caste refused to cooperate with the Council of Five, and elected his son, RHADEMES, as their leader.
... And then, the priests declared their right of authority over him.
//else if (BookstandMayaArt == 5) {
He only realised what our plans were when it was to late.
DECLINE: Only too late did he discover their plans.
[I basically rewrote the entire bit, sort of embellishing the otherwise plain-spoken dialogue. It's the first portion I'm least sure of, given that the original translation makes no sense. I just realised that these are meant to be snippets of text from the books found in the ancient library, meaning this errors are liable to be in those books as well.]
Story\Dialoge\DIA_Addon_BDT_1070_Paul.d
FUNC VOID DIA_Addon_Paul_MaulPaul_Info()
B_LogEntry (Topic_Addon_Esteban, "Paul is telling that Huno hates Esteban for ruinning his business.");
ruinning => ruining
DECLINE: is telling that => told me that
DIA_Addon_KDW_1400_Saturas_NW.d
instance DIA_Addon_Saturas_Nefarius (C_INFO)
description = "I ought to find the lost parts of the ornamentfor Nefarius.");
DECLINE: "I should find the lost parts of the ornamental ring for Nefarius."
func void DIA_Addon_Saturas_TuerZu_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_Quarhodron,"Raven has acquired the power of the guardians of the dead. He obtained his knowledge about the Adanos temple from a spirit. I should go to Myxir and report it.");
DECLINE: power of the guardians of the dead => guardians' power of the dead
func void DIA_Addon_Saturas_TalkedToGhost_wasistdas ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_Klaue,"In the Adanos temple exists a mighty weapon. It's called 'Beliar's Claw'. Raven must not get his hands on the this weapon."
DECLINE: "Deep in Adanos' temple, there exists a mighty weapon known as 'Beliar's Claw'. Raven must not be allowed to have it."
DIA_Addon_KDW_1402_Nefarius_NW.d
func void DIA_Addon_Nefarius_SCbringOrnaments_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_Ornament,"Nefarius plans to activate the portal's mechanism with the aid of an ornament ring. He is still needs 3 more fragments to complete the ring. It's my assignment to retrieve them. He handed me a map with marked places, where he suspects the fragments to be.");
DECLINE: "Nefarius plans to activate the portal with the aid of an ornamental ring. Three fragments of the ring are missing, and it's my assignment to retrieve them. He's marked a map with the places he suspects them to be."
DIA_Addon_KDW_14030_Myxir_ADW.d
func void DIA_Addon_Myxir_GeistTafel_wie ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_Quarhodron,"Myxir wants me to awaken the spirit of the ancient warlord Quarhodron and ask him for advise. He gave me a document with a magic formula that I have to read aloud at Quarhodrons grave in the west.");
DECLINE: advise => advice ; Quarhodrons => Quarhodron's
DIA_Addon_KDW_14050_Merdarion_ADW.d
func void DIA_Addon_Merdarion_FokusGeben_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_TeleportsADW,"The water mage Merdarion gave me one of the old focus stone that were used to erect the barrier in the valley of mines. He wants me to activate one of the teleporter stones.");
DECLINE: old focus stone that were => old focus stones
DIA_Addon_PIR_1301_Skip_NW.d
func void B_Skip_SaysDextersName ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_WhoStolePeople,"The missing people were kidnapped on order from bandits captain Dexter. He is rumoured to be hide somewhere south of Onar's farm.");
DECLINE: "The bandit captain, Dexter, is the one who ordered the kidnapping of the missing people. It is said he's hiding out somewhere south of Onar's farm."
DIA_Addon_PIR_1356_Bill.d
func void DIA_Addon_Bill_JuanMurder_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_KillJuan,"I am to kill Juan. To avaenge Angus and Hank.";
DECLINE: Juan. To avaenge => Juan, to avenge
DIA_Addon_VLK_4302_Elvrich.d
func void DIA_Addon_Elvrich_WasNun_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_MissingPeople,"Elvrich return to master carpenter Thorben.");
return to master => returns to his master,
DECLINE: return to master => has returned to his master,
DIA_VLK_433_Bromor.d
func void DIA_Addon_Bromor_MissingPeople_Info ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_MissingPeople,"One of the girls from the bordello down at the harbor, with the name of Lucia, has gone missing.");
DECLINE: "Lucia, one of the girls from the harbor's brothel, is missing."
Story\Events\B_RavensEscapeIntoTempelAVI.d
if (B_RAVENSESCAPEINTOTEMPELAVI_OneTime == FALSE)
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_RavenKDW,"I have permeated Raven's quarters. I could just see him get away through a big gate. I was unable to follow him. I surmise that the gate leads to the Adanos temple. I have to report this to Saturas.");
DECLINE: "I entered Raven's quarters, only to watch him escape through a large gate. I'm unable to follow, but suspect the gate leads to Adanos' temple. I need to report this to Saturas."
EVT_Ornament_Switch_Xxx_01_Func.d
func void EVT_ORNAMENT_SWITCH_BIGFARM_01_FUNC ()
B_LogEntry (TOPIC_Addon_Ornament,"I have activates the mechanism od the stone circle in the northern woods. A big stone guardian appeared. He seemed pretty miffed."
DECLINE: activates => activated ; od => on
Aquamarine ring: Is it spelled "aquamarin ring" or "aquamarine ring"? "Aquamarin" is used in most entries.
DECLINE: aquamarine ring
Last edited by Decline on Mon Aug 16, 2004 4:18 am; edited 1 time in total |
Sat Aug 14, 2004 10:49 pm |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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@Decline: It's really nice to see you helping here. *bows* Can't believe I introduced my own typos as well... pretty sketchy, eh? Really, I appreciate your input very much. Keep them coming.
Should item names be capitalized? e.g. "aquamarine ring" or "Aquamarine Ring"? The translation (and even the original) is really inconsistent with that. |
Sun Aug 15, 2004 5:20 am |
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cothyso
Keeper of the Gates
Joined: 25 Apr 2004
Posts: 100
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I would say we should capitalize all of the special items (to let people be sure that is a special item they're talking about). |
Sun Aug 15, 2004 8:29 am |
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Whailor
Most Exalted Highlord
Joined: 07 Jul 2003
Posts: 423
Location: Tallinn, Estonia |
Kiwi Boy, can you give me your e-mail address (you can PM it to me), so that I could send half of the stuff I corrected/adjusted over to you? It's too much to post here, would make one giant of a post here. Easier to just sent the text file. _________________ Been there, done that . . . |
Sun Aug 15, 2004 11:50 am |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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<e-mail address is removed>
Sorry for the delay. I have been moving my stuff to my new house lately and didn't have much time for this huge task. I'm finally back home now, so the new list is on the way. But first, let me finish Saturas' speech first.
@Decline / Xerxes712: There are a few discrepancies in your suggestions. Here are some, with my comments surrounded by braces {}. Please leave your comments here, or the final judgment will be made by cothyso.
Discrepancies
{General Format:
1st line: dialogue title
2nd line: original translation
3rd line: edited translation
4th line: credit}
DIA_Addon_Saturas_ADWStart_was_14_05
At the moment we could only speculate why.
Why this happened is not yet known. At the moment we can only speculate.
DECLINE
{KB: At the moment => At this moment }
DIA_Addon_Saturas_ADWStart_Raven_14_01
In Ravens letter they talked about a temple and that he triesto get in.
Ravens => Raven's; triesto => tries to
DECLINE: tries to get in. => has been trying to get into.
{KB: According to his letter, he has been trying to get into a temple.}
{I tried to get rid of the pronoun "they" as it refers to nowhere.}
DIA_Addon_Huno_Blitz_06_05
I was struck by a damn lightning! It seems to me, that I can hear it still ...
It seemed as if I was struck by some kind of damn lightning! Even now I can still hear it ...
Xerxes712
I'd been struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears when it happened.
DECLINE
{KB: I prefer DECLINE's edit, with "when it happened" omitted. The word "that" already implies the time "when it happened".}
To Edith: Sorry, edited out my e-mail address in fear of being too widespread.
Last edited by Kiwi Boy on Sat Aug 21, 2004 3:58 pm; edited 2 times in total |
Tue Aug 17, 2004 4:55 am |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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<content removed> Saturas' dialogue is on the first post of this thread.
@mod: please delete this.
Last edited by Kiwi Boy on Thu Aug 19, 2004 7:23 pm; edited 7 times in total |
Tue Aug 17, 2004 5:54 am |
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Xerxes712
High Emperor
Joined: 01 Nov 2002
Posts: 605
Location: Uber die Welt |
I was struck by a damn lightning! It seems to me, that I can hear it still ...
It seemed as if I was struck by some kind of damn lightning! Even now I can still hear it ...
Xerxes712
I'd been struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears when it happened.
DECLINE
{KB: I prefer DECLINE's edit, with "when it happened" omitted. The word "that" already implies the time "when it happened".}
I see the post. Go with DECLINE's. It has changed from its original form again. That is the second iteration and it's fine with me. -'Struck by lightning dialog'.
I guess it may not matter to show that Huno says it 'seemed like' lightning. Not that he was actually struck by real lightning. That is why I put in 'seemed like' -it was in the original German. Also it is 'a' lightning of indefinite nature. So I put in 'some kind of'. I guess just write the sentence in the way it sounds and fits the dialog flow the best. It is a small thing really in meaning...and yes, you could omit 'when it happened' if it seems too redundent.
DIA_Addon_Saturas_ADWStart_was_14_05
At the moment we could only speculate why.
Why this happened is not yet known. At the moment we can only speculate.
DECLINE
{KB: At the moment => At this moment }
Use 'For the moment' in place of 'At this moment' or 'At the moment'.??
# for the moment, we can only speculate why....
That Saturus dialog is long! I will look it over too. So far, it seems to becoming together quite well. _________________ Wo ist mein Sumpfkraut?
Last edited by Xerxes712 on Tue Aug 17, 2004 11:06 pm; edited 1 time in total |
Tue Aug 17, 2004 10:20 pm |
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Xerxes712
High Emperor
Joined: 01 Nov 2002
Posts: 605
Location: Uber die Welt |
DIA_Addon_Saturas_Flut_15_00
Nefarius told me of a tide ...
???
#Nefarius told me of a tidal wave...
DIA_Addon_Saturas_Flut_14_03
In his holy anger he let the sea fall down to the builders of this city and swept them away.
In his holy anger, he let the sea blanket the builders and swept them away.
#In his holy anger, he sent a tidal wave over the builders and swept them away.
DIA_Addon_Saturas_AdanosZorn_15_00
What happend that Adanos become such angry?
What happened when Adanos became so enraged? [Possibly: "What caused Adanos to become so angry?"]
DECLINE
# What happened that caused Adanos to become so angry?
DIA_Addon_Saturas_TuerZu_14_02
(agitate) I have to cogitate ...
???
#(agitated) I have to think...to remember...
DIA_Addon_Saturas_TuerZu_14_03
The question is, how get Raven into the temple ...
The question is, how could Raven get into the temple ...
#The question is, how did Raven even get into the temple ...
DIA_Addon_Saturas_TuerZu_14_04
What did he do, before he crossed the portal?
What did he do exactly before he crossed the portal?
#What EXACTLY did he do before he crossed the portal?
DIA_Addon_Saturas_TuerZu_15_05
He spoke a conjuration at the gate.
He casted a conjuration at the gate.
?He casted a spell at the gate. _________________ Wo ist mein Sumpfkraut? |
Tue Aug 17, 2004 10:52 pm |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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quote: Originally posted by Xerxes712
DIA_Addon_Saturas_AdanosZorn_15_00
What happend that Adanos become such angry?
What happened when Adanos became so enraged? [Possibly: "What caused Adanos to become so angry?"]
DECLINE
# What happened that caused Adanos to become so angry?
This line still confuses me. Does it ask:
1) What made Adanos so angry? or
2) What would happen if Adanos became so enraged?
quote: Originally posted by Xerxes712
I guess it may not matter to show that Huno says it 'seemed like' lightning. Not that he was actually struck by real lightning. That is why I put in 'seemed like' -it was in the original German. Also it is 'a' lightning of indefinite nature. So I put in 'some kind of'.
My problem is that the phrase "some kind of" only adds the uncertainty of "seemed like"... It seems that Huno doesn't even know whether he has been struck by lightning at all.
Last edited by Kiwi Boy on Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:14 am; edited 2 times in total |
Tue Aug 17, 2004 11:37 pm |
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Xerxes712
High Emperor
Joined: 01 Nov 2002
Posts: 605
Location: Uber die Welt |
Number one. 1) What made Adanos so angry?
#What happened that caused Adanos to become so angry?
He, the hero, is asking Saturus what made Adanos so angry that Adanos would destroy the ancient builder's city with a tidal wave of water from the sea.
What made Adanos so angry was that the ancient people fell into evil. This what I gather from reading the dialog.
DIA_Addon_Saturas_AdanosZorn_14_05
I assume, that Adanos couldn愒 forgive them and his revenge befalled the country.
Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge befalled the country.
#Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge befelled the country. (past tense)
quote:
My problem is that the phrase "some kind of" only adds the uncertainty of "seemed like"... It seems that Huno doesn't even know whether he has been struck by lightning at all.
True. I was trying to point that out in that long sentence. It does not really matter how you want to say it in English. To make it short, with slightly different meaning DECLINE version is good enough. Most English speakers can tell from the whole dialog of his story what he means.
KB/DECLINE I'd been struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears.
UPDATE: Another version incorporating your and my concern...
#I felt like I was struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears.
Breaks the 'two' I's rule. Clumbsy.
Or,
#It felt as if I was struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears.
Lots to chose from. _________________ Wo ist mein Sumpfkraut?
Last edited by Xerxes712 on Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:59 am; edited 3 times in total |
Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:01 am |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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quote: Originally posted by Xerxes712
DIA_Addon_Saturas_AdanosZorn_14_05
I assume, that Adanos couldn愒 forgive them and his revenge befalled the country.
Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge befalled the country.
#Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge befelled the country. (past tense)
Didn't notice it , I'll take 'befell' instead.
Saturas has a few dozens of lines to go. Gotta move back to my WordPad again ... |
Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:12 am |
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Xerxes712
High Emperor
Joined: 01 Nov 2002
Posts: 605
Location: Uber die Welt |
Yes, indeed. It's an odd word in English. Befall, Befell, Befallen. I am not sure on the past tense, either -ed or auxillary verb IE
#I assume, that Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge had befallen the country.
I do think that maybe it is best to leave in the *I assume* in that line, Saturus is not completely sure what happened to the ancient builders in the first place. Remember, he is only speculating for the moment on what happened. So...
#I assume, that Adanos couldn't forgive them and his revenge befelled the country.
But... it is only a small matter. German tends to be very exact in each sentence, whereas in English, it is more loose and sometimes uses the context of the whole dialog; think of it as another layer of redundancy added in, not so much at the sentence level, but at the whole dialog level. _________________ Wo ist mein Sumpfkraut? |
Wed Aug 18, 2004 12:26 am |
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Kiwi Boy
High Emperor
Joined: 03 Jan 2003
Posts: 1086
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Okay... So...
quote:
DIA_Addon_Saturas_ADWStart_was_14_05
At the moment we could only speculate why.
Why this happened is not yet known. At the moment we can only speculate.
DECLINE
#Why this happened is not yet know. For the moment we can only speculate.
DECLINE, Xerxes712
quote:
DIA_Addon_Saturas_ADWStart_Raven_14_01
In Ravens letter they talked about a temple and that he triesto get in.
Ravens => Raven's; triesto => tries to
DECLINE: tries to get in. => has been trying to get into.
KB: According to his letter, he has been trying to get into a temple.
#In Raven's letter, they talked about a temple and that he has been trying to get into.
DECLINE
quote:
DIA_Addon_Huno_Blitz_06_05
I was struck by a damn lightning! It seems to me, that I can hear it still ...
It seemed as if I was struck by some kind of damn lightning! Even now I can still hear it ...
Xerxes712
I'd been struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears when it happened.
DECLINE
#It felt as if I was struck by damn lightning! Even now, I can still hear that intense ringing in my ears.
DECLINE, Xerxes712 |
Wed Aug 18, 2004 5:26 pm |
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