Oft forgotten, Hobbling Boris.
Shoulders your weight as he limps through the Forest.
No thought of reward, no thought of pleasure.
Staggering under your ill-gotten treasure.
Indigenous not, to the places you wander.
Living in fear of the time you might blunder.
Into some castle or labyrinth where,
The goblins might stab him or set light to his hair.
Or put on a spit and turned over a fire,
His potential fate, since you were the buyer.
Yet giving no heed, when his future seems bleak,
Ever onward he burdens, though his knees have turned weak.
His view of the world is less than arty,
Limited to the backs of your party.
Unless of course the enemy swarms thick,
When of course he's expected to lend you his kick.
Still steadfast Hobbling Boris from spring to December,
Ever your loyalist party member.
Secure in the knowledge that while you don't beat him,
If you're hungry enough you would cheerfully eat him.

*

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Work we go...

Yesssssss! It was a mighty big spider!

Yesssssssssss! It's history.

A little simple juggling of my team mates was all that was required in the end, to turn that nasty old bug into a smear on the bottom of my shoe. I had considered hiring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, but in the end having two Archers pin cushioning it from a distance, while my main man got all up close and personal and introduced our Arachnid friend to Mr Axe, was enough to win the day.

So, finally out of my first major dungeon and WHAT'S THIS!? Five minutes later and I'm in another one! (Well, a mine anyway). Good Lawdy, I could have done with a chance to sell my loot first! All my inventory slots are still full.

On the plus side though, I have a new party member. He's a dwarf, but I won't hold his height against him. We need every good man we can find. What's the deal with this fellow though? I mean, we first meet him in a cut scene, where he confronts about ten bad guys all on his lonesome and goes all Bruce Lee on their collective Ass. Brushing the dust off his hands as he walks away from the bodies, he want's to know if he can join Team Badger!

Well yes with a capital "Y", we could use some of that butt kicking action where we're going. What we didn't see though was this...

Party exits stage left into mine with newly acquired SuperDwarf in tow.
Baddie #1 (opens left eye) (whispers) "Have they gone?"
Baddie #2 "Yep, they just went into the mine."
Baddie #3 "Right.... Where's my share of the money?"

YES THAT'S RIGHT! He totally paid them off. He is not a super Kung-Fu dwarf at all. A fact that we discover the first time we get into a fight in the mines and he switches from being all Cape flapping and underpants on the outside, to fighting about as well as my granny! (Mind you...she's a tough old bird).

I'm thinking trades descriptions act!

Oh I could rant on for ages... just don't start me, ok?

Later All
Badger.