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'Be in The Fall' Competition, Round #10 Round #10 Winner Here's the winner of the final round, along with a handful of our favourite entries in no particular order. It's another hot one today, with no rain in sight. The good news: its been 32 consecutive days without a sand storm, your guess is as good as mine when the next one will hit, I still haven't got the radar or satellite interface working, I'll keep you posted. In unrelated news the gang-thug we caught finally told us where his group was getting their water! General Hage ordered a celebratory keg of cacti-alcohol be rolled out! Party starts at dusk! In other exciting news the Carnival is here, come by and visit the "Dunk-tank-of-death" and place your bet on how many times our prisoner can survive being dropped into our urine tank. Its only a-buck-a-throw. Be sure to visit the "Freak-show", they've got the last surviving human clone and don't forget, their trailer of "Experiments gone wrong" and "Fossils of the past" display, they tell me they have an elephant this year! Be sure to come by and see their bonsai tree display, and forget your troubles. Of course the hookers will be available all week long. And finally a cautionary note, there was another Ocelot related fatality yesterday, watch out for those feisty creatures! Chip, signing off. -Andrew Bales (Old farmer Bales, Male Hermit) Welcome to Wasteland Weekly, your best, and only, source for after the Fall news. In our top story, the Glowing Warriors gang was all but wiped out yesterday in what appears to be a revenge attack. It seems the Warriors made a habit of hunting wild dogs for food. The dogs, who make their home by the Burning River, got organized and mounted a night raid on the Glowing Warriors camp. A spokesman for the Warriors made this statement, "I'm bleeding. Everyone's dead. Someone please get help!" Our weather forecast for today, tomorrow, next week and the foreseeable future calls for intermittent ash storms, small arms fire and a UV rating of 110, or Fatal, for all non-mutants. This broadcast was brought to you by the Junkhouse, where you can barter scrap metal and shotgun shells for food. All food items have been heavily irradiated and have a guaranteed shelf life of 12 years. Stay tuned, for more news as it happens. And remember: stay in the shade. -Scott Hamm Good evening listeners, this is Chip with the latest news, traffic and weather for southwest Texas. Today's top story: Lull in sand storms. We take you now to Chip, live with the story. *door slams * * sound of light wind * Thanks Chip. We're live outside the studio, and as you can hear the raging sandstorms we've been experiencing for the last 8 days seems to have subsided, at least temporarily. Damage to the listening region has been extensive - including but not limited to burying local resident Chip's tent and filling in his privvy. Area residents are advised to remain alert for changes to the status of the weather. Whether or not this lull will continue remains to be seen. Back to you Chip. *door slams * Thanks Chip. Next up: a trader brings news from the Hill country. A shocking tale of the music scene in New Austin. How will it affect you? In sports, surprising results from the lizard races last night, and in entertainment news, guess who was seen with Chip at the latest movie premier? This and more after these messages from our Sponsors followed by traffic on the 8s…. -Jerome Arrington A LOCAL CACTUS DISTILLER SHOT ! Dallardsvile, TX. John Dollard, a local cactus distiller, was shot yesterday by an unknown teetotaller, leaving the whole town in grief. A bounty has been placed on the evildoer's head. FAMINE FEARED ! Gadsden, AZ. Due to a recent high raider activity, all the merchant caravans seem to pass by this small community. "What are we going to do? - says F.Myrkalis, local smith - the grounds here are barren, therefore we can't grow our own food... Without 'em merchants we're surely going to starve". Desperate Gadsdenians agreed to reward handsomely anyone to put the raiders to rest. ------ A PAID ANNOUNCEMENT ------ The recently created New Government wants YOU!!! We need young, healthy people, brave enough to help us build a better tommorow! Each day our ranks grow strengthened by enthusiastic men and women, who are proud to be American !! Do YOU have what it takes to build a new WORLD ? Visit our bureaus in Marble Falls (TX), Quitaque (TX), Saboyeta (NEW MEXICO) and North Rim (AZ) to find the answer !! WE'RE CHANGING THE WORLD FOR THE BETTER ! WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT TOO ? ------ A PAID ANNOUNCEMENT ------ -Kuba Madeja Greetings again, fellow survivors, and thanks for tuning in to Chip, your only choice for the wasteland's voice. A group of youths allegedly stole some fermented cactus juice from a man's shed the other day. Later the same evening, several boys suspected to be responsible for the theft tried to tip over a junked car in a townsperson's backyard. Their noisy antics woke up the family dog, who alerted his owners to their presence. Unfortunately the boys ran away before they could be apprehended. Townsperson Doug Hadry, owner of the junked car, commented, "You know, kids these days just don't have anything good to tip over. If we had some cattle like we used to, I'm sure this never would have happened." Local towns have informed the Chip Broadcasting Network that in the past week, 33 end-of-the-worlders have called for townspeople to "repent their sins," and 12 new groups claiming to be the basis for a "new world order" have been established. And now for your weekly weather report: hot! Tune in again tomorrow for your daily CBN news! Chip out. -Carole Lince
"Had one mother of a sandwhirl zoom past the shack last night, just after the evenin' send, flyin' straight southwards towards that there big-ass smoke-cloud which's been hoverin' steady since th'day before. 'Case you're close enough to hear this and don't want your favourite head endin' up in either or between, you'll saunter it for sunset or sundawn real swift-like." [Static] "Whether you're out there with a handheld or were squeezed out with feelers for a-hundred-and-ten FM, this is Radio Chip - stay tuned in." [Static] "Y'all know how I've got this pile'o'journals and love leafing through 'em. Says here this sort'a heat-heavy apocalyptic event we're all thriving through might well catch you skin-plague enough t'kill after jus' forty-odd years. Desert men and desert women, the trick's to stay out of the sun. [Static] "Got to pedal the ol' generator t'fit a whole new black-snake recipee into high noon broadcast. From the risin' sun's sweaty lil' grip - this was Radio Chip." -Bjorn Ahlin Hey there Chokers, Chip "The Howler" Coyote here on WSND, wasteland radio *Sound of Coyote Howl*, bringing you the latest news and notes. It's 7am on another day of survival. First, the traffic. Looking out my window I see...NOTHING. Nobody coming or going. No worries about speed limits or safety these days boys and girls. Go as fast as you want. Unless of course you see a GNO convoy, then you'd better pull the Hell over or you're liable to get an RPG up your ass *Sound of rocket launch and then explosion*. That's also our FCC required public service message of the day *laughing*.
Average Reader Ratings: 10 (1 votes) |
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