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Altre's Comic: Features Galore!
Unique: I was as happy as a kitten on mind-altering drugs when I first got to pilot a ship around the great reaches of a virtual Universe. That is, until I discovered what Astronomers have been saying for years. That space consists of utterly depressing stretches of blackness with occasional bits of matter getting in the way. Apparently the developers felt the need to be accurate, and accordingly filled their game with the same level of mind-numbing void. Just because a feature is new to the genre, does not mean it's going to be interesting. Quality: A new game promises a level of graphics far surpassing its predecessors. There are vague references to particle effects, bump mapping, and other occult jargon. Your first moments in game will be amazing the ads say. The trees will look like actual trees. The moss on the rocks will look mossy. The squirrels will reflect light accurately as they tear your jugular out. Then you realize you don't have to pay fifteen dollars to look at furry rocks and trees with well rendered pine cones. You could go to a real park, and reality is rumored to have damned good resolution. As an added bonus, actual squirrels are not five feet tall and trying to kill you. Game features are always far below the quality level advertised. Quantity: Any combat profession from Ranger up to Swordsman is yours to partake. A ranger can kill an Orcrest for fifty damage using a blue fire of Rage. On the other hand, a warrior can kill an Orcrest for fifty damage using a red fire of grumpyness. When a feature is neither advertised as unique or high-quality, be sure that the quantity argument will be thrown at you. There are so many features available in game 'x' that you absolutely cannot resist it. There's a useful phrase that comes to mind: "Crap comes in large quantities." In all cases one lesson stands out. Features are always far less glamorous than they appear. Most of the Massively Multiplayer Industry resides in a parody of existence where false advertising and hyped features are considered standard practice. Take everything you hear cautiously, and keep your expectations low. |
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