Conquer Online: Bring your dragon balls, folks, the latest patch is now available. According to the notes, a new NPC will pack your dragon balls for you- at a price. (And no I neither know what this means, nor do I want to). Another NPC in the game will alter your body size at your request, freeing GMs of their surgical duties. Finally, in case some suspicious individual accosts you, claiming to be a GM, make sure to compare his credentials to this list, lest you be fooled by a con! Is there no end to their trickery?

Flyff: Flyff has grown enough that they are adding two new servers, and judging by a recent poll, one of them will be enabled for player killing. Blood thirsty little witches and fairies, aren't they? Also, Flyff griefers the world around uttered a plaintive sigh on January 17th, when it was announced that a bug which allowed non-consensual player killing was fixed.

Knight Online: Knight Online players have been warned to stop abusing the Guard Towers in Colony Zone. After all, what did they do to you anyway? Seriously though, there's an exploit possible there, and using it is a bannable offense.

MapleStory: A big update (so big that it's actually just called 'The Big Update') that was scheduled for this week has been delayed until next week so that MapleStory can work out some issues with Akamai, their new file hosting service. Supposedly, the switch to Akamai will drastically reduce download times, which should be especially useful with The Big Update. Anyway, the patch includes the ability to form guilds, and introduces a number of new quests, items, and UI enhancements to the game.

Monster & Me: Well it must have been quite some time since I checked on Monster & Me, because I just found some tutorial movies that were posted last December. Check them out, you hapless n00bs! So... the Monster & Me team included a fast travel option called the speeder. And players used it, which you'd think would be good. Think again, mon frere! The speeder causes lag, so players have been warned not to use it anymore. No, they're not going to remove or improve it... they're just going to taunt you with it, you worms!

MU Online: Hear ye, o noble citizens of Mu (or, "Mutizens" if that's what you prefer), agree to the latest amendment to thy user agreement, lest your characters be deleted and your possessions donated to Goodwill.

Oz World: The latest patch, available today, introduces a scandalous 69 new "items" and fixes a buncha bugs. Also, the foul language filter has some new words in its lexicon, so you can no longer say "Cram this up your [bleep] and [bleep] it, [bleep]!" Got that, [bleep]ers?

Project Entropia: Eh, Professor Barton is apparently dead... whoever the [bleep] he is.

Silkroad Online: Wow, the Silkroad Online staff are some BHFs (beta-havin fools) if ever I saw some. Round 3 of beta tests is due to begin next week.

Thang Online: The bloodthirsty GMs of Thang have been terminating scammer accounts with extreme prejudice. Check out the teaser article about a new dungeon which will soon be available in the game. Also, after poring over a warning that began with the sentence, "Currently there are some key loger stealing programs runnning aournd our Thang Global call themselves hacking method," calling in consultants for linguistic assitance, I believe I have divined its meaning. Apparently some silly players are running hack programs to gain benefits in the game, when the joke's really on them! The authors of these devious programs added a cool feature that records every keypress you make so they can get your login credentials, credit card numbers, and emails written to mom, asking if you can come back home from camp yet. No hackers-with-hearts-of-gold, they.