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Internal Affairs: Morrowind and something personal

Posted by Rendelius @ Saturday - October 19, 2002 - 04:39 -
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I am still working on the Mega-Morrowind plugin compilation, having thrown out some and added others. As it stands now, this would be a 100MB download. The collection is pretty final now, and I am just checking things out. Playing Morrowind with this compilation changes the way you play it. The game is harder, no more rushing in and slaying everything. Sometimes, it feels like a completely new game.

This brings me to another point I wanted to make: as you know, we do not offer a lot of downloads here at RPGDot.com. This is because we have to keep an eye on our bandwidth consumption. If it raises above our limit, things get pretty expensive. The only way to change that is to get an unmetered server - but this is pretty expensive by itself. Ad income is still nothing we can rely on, and we run pretty dry on donations lately, so we aren't willing to take this more expensive server deal (not because we are greedy, but if costs are that greater than income, this site wouldn't survive long).

What we will do: we will offer some more downloads in the near future and see how big the demand is. We will also wait and see how the revenue situation of the site develops. Frankly said, we would LOVE to offer a lot of RPG related downloads, like all Morrowind plugins (the other sites offering that have problems of their own, btw), but we have to stay reasonable. If our regular income with the site allows us to get the unmetered server, we will go for it in an instance. If you want to help us to get there, consider getting a "Friends of RPGDot" account. They come in various flavors and are really the best way to help us to get to a solid financial basis.

Let me conclude my weekend sermon with a very personal story, something that moved me a lot yesterday. I just want to share it with you because I think it is an astonishing story:

I was born 1963. My mother was 23 then, and my father, who wasn't married to my mother, close to his 60's. He was a rather well known painter and writer in my home country then. I did see him quite often, even after my mother got married to another man, who adopted me and has been the best father I can imagine. My "real father" died when I was nine, and since then his image paled amongst everything life threw at me in the coming years.

A couple of months ago, I was contacted by an author who wrote my father's biography. He told me that he had found a package with love letters from my mother to him (my mother also died more than 20 years ago) and asked me if I wanted to read them. He also told me that he didn't want to publish them, he just wanted to let me read them. I agreed, and yesterday, I received these letters. It was a very moving experience for me. I don't know how you feel about your parents, but for me, they have always been parents first. To see the lover, to read that your mother has been moved by the same emotions that you have experienced in your life, that she's a woman first, and a mother in the second place, that was something that was like taking a wall out of my head and letting me see more, and more things more clearly. The second experience that was brought to me by her letters was to see that I carry something of her in me, something of the way she saw the world and how she dealt with her emotions.It's amazing how letters, now 40 years old, can deepen your understanding of someone you thought you have known. Now, if you allow me to extrapolate: how little do we know about the beloved ones that are around us? How much more could we learn if we look more closely, if we allow them and us to show more of us?

I became rich in some way or another yesterday evening.

Excuse me for bothering you with this story, but I had to share it.
 
 
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