I’ll get the questions about E3 2004 out of the way. What was the best freebie you got at this year’s show?

Isn’t it great when I wait 4 months to answer your questions? Then, like, everything is totally irrelevant! Yay! Actually, you know, no one really gives away freebies anymore, except for the occasional t-shirt, hat, or backpack. I long for the days of yore, when they used to give each and every one of us a free naked girl.

Obviously, someone in your position – someone in the loop in terms of games – wouldn’t be surprised by many games shown at E3, but were there any games that did surprise you?

Well, being in the PC gaming ghetto, I don’t often get to see the console titles ahead of time. One game that I loved there was Jade Empire, but it wasn’t really a surprise since Bioware is making it and I’ve loved every game they’ve ever done. So I guess I didn’t answer your question, did I? I suck. Okay, here’s a couple I knew about but was surprised by how good they looked: Activision’s new Vampire the Masquerade game and THQ’s S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

According to a press release from the Entertainment Software Association (ESA) stated there were 65,000+ “industry professionals” in attendance at E3. What is the ESA’s definition of an industry professional? Who is included in this group?

Good lord, you got me. “Industry professionals?” I didn’t know there were such things in this business. Whoever they are, I don’t want to know them. I want to keep hanging out with the dorito-eating, dope-smoking, lazy-ass slackers that make up the real creative forces of this industry.