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Roqua
High Emperor
Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Posts: 897
Location: rump |
This movie was horrible. It was cheese from the very first word to the very last. It was so bad that it was actually good. I wanted to keep watching. I enjoyed the dialoque in this movie more than I have in any movie I have seen for a long time. It was kind of like Jason X, except they applied this formula: (Crap)(Cheese)^2678 x R(1-(1/1+ r/m^nm))/(r/m)=Xo. Which ends up equaling the present value of a crappy cheesy movie. In this case it works out to be a solid 2 hour investment that will put a smile on your face and make you happy.
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Vegitarian is the Indian word for lousey hunter. |
Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:10 pm |
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xSamhainx
Paws of Doom
Joined: 11 Sep 2002
Posts: 2192
Location: San Diego |
Right on. Well, sorta.. as long as the only real "investment" is the 2 hours of lost life 
From a b-movie perspective, this thing made me literally crack up numerous times last weekend. Cracking up here and there tho, is one thing, but this movie is an unintentionally-bad overdose. Ceases to be campy after awhile. Especially when you are with people who arent down with the "stupid movies are entertaining" thing. I got razzed for 3 days over grabbing it off the shelf that fateful night. Even worse, I almost bought it off the bargain rack earlier at Best Buy for a couple bucks, furthering the questioning of my own normally accurate spidey sense. Im glad I at least grabbed Kill Bill at the same time, Quentin to the rescue. We actually stopped in the middle of watching it, to watch Kill Bill again! That's a major deal. No film ever gets that type of abrupt interruptus around me, especially for one Ive already seen. I usually have the gift of sensing which movies are literally unwatchable, and avoid them like a previously opened item. That is, if there are no choice offerings in stock, or necessity demands it, I just may take the chance on something that hearkens "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.." The shelves were pretty empty that night, and I took the dive, much to my later chagrin.
Bloodsucking Freaks or The Satanic Rites of Dracula may have been cheese, but they were at least cheddar or swiss at worst. "House Of The Dead" is at best, the type of cheese that doesnt exist to be consumed by mankind, such as toe or head cheese. At worst, it can induce seizures or fits of rage. I really hated some of the characters, not in the way of the disposable jerk who finally gets his due, more like the "all squealy" cast member you want to see silenced so they just %4@#*% shut the hell up and die. As if going for the utter "scorched earth" effect on old-school horror fans, the post-modern idiot horror miscreant #4 belches out "this is like a Romero movie!" Now stupid dialogue can be funny, but the smiles fade when it becomes insulting to the viewer's taste. That was the last straw..
I watched the rest later by myself, with the curtains drawn, like some shady viewing of Emanuelle on late night cable or something. Some films make you feel like you need to take a shower, this one made me feel like i needed to take a bath. In clorox. Two thumb-equivelents down ='.'=
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“Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a sound that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that's on its mind and can't make itself understood, and so can't rest easy in its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving.”-Mark Twain
Last edited by xSamhainx on Thu Apr 29, 2004 5:12 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Thu Apr 29, 2004 4:51 am |
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Roqua
High Emperor
Joined: 02 Sep 2003
Posts: 897
Location: rump |
You didn't like the slow-scenes of them firing their weapons? Standing still firing their weapons? In slow motion? For every character?
Or the well placed video game images?
Or the super fast high-jumping zombies that turn into super slow grounded zombies depending on the scene?
This movie offers so many jems of goodness and laughter its hard to think it left you feeling bad. 21 Grams and Requeim for a Dream leave you feeling bad. This movie put a big smile on my face.
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Vegitarian is the Indian word for lousey hunter. |
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Thu Apr 29, 2004 5:12 am |
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piln
High Emperor
Joined: 22 May 2003
Posts: 906
Location: Leeds, UK |
I bet you would have hated it if you'd gone through with the sex change Roqua, it doesn't sound like a chick flick. It sounds stoopid. I will watch it if the opportunity arises, and I am able to leave the room at a moment's notice. I just wish the license was for Typing Of The Dead instead, that would have been great. |
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Sun May 02, 2004 12:13 am |
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